Music thoughts

I've been thinking a lot about music in the last few days. It's always been a bit part of my life. From performing through middle school and high school to my current love of live music and frequent adventures tied to concert attendance, there's no question that music affects me in a way that not many things do.

I spent last Saturday night with my folks and Robyn at the Minnesota Zoo seeing Brandi Carlile. By my best estimation, I've seen Brandi at least 12 times. This last show was by far my favorite, even beating out Red Rocks and an intimate coffee house show.

So I go home, finally download her newest live CD (Which you should totally do if you haven't) and really feel the show. Rather than just listening, I let my guard down a bit and started back down the path of feeling music rather than just appreciating it. Which led to the creation of a playlist I'm calling "gentle".

Gentle is a playlist of songs that elicit an emotional response from me. Not a response like breaking down in sobs or dancing around a room but rather than feeling you get when you close your eyes, take a deep breath and feel connected to yourself and something greater. One particular song brings me back to a time and feeling I have yet to replicate. When I hear k.d. lang's version of Hallelujah, I distinctly remember driving back from my grandparents house while living in Stevens Point. It was a beautiful summer night, finally cool, and I had spent the day with people who loved me and connected me to a greater sense of family. As a women in my late 20's, I was just coming into my own and as I took the backroad twists and turns, I cranked the stereo in my car and sang aloud with ms. lang. The towering pine trees blanketed each turn, the windows down let in the cool summer air. It was one of the most "alive" moments I have ever felt.

For a long time, I couldn't hear that song without feeling a tinge of sadness. Much life has been lived since those nights and I'm don't think I have the same confidence that I had then. I don't have the proximity to family or the joy of late night drives through northern woods. As I listened to the song this morning while working on a curriculum that will ultimately impact my future career, I was able to take a step back, close my eyes and feel just the spark of that woman who felt unstoppable. I need to find ways to fuel that spark so she grows back. It was very nice to see her again today.