Saying "no"...saying "yes"...saying exactly what you mean

I'm a Midwesterner. This is who I am. It's who I want to be. One of the characteristics of a Midwesterner is that we are unfailingly polite. Even when we don't want to be. Think of the quality of service personnel in the Midwest versus the east or west coast. OK...maybe they are exceptionally well trained in politeness but for us, it comes naturally. We really do want to be polite and be kind. Especially as women, we get this message of "be nice" and "don't make a fuss". And in general, I think those are pretty good message. It never hurts to be nice. And not making fuss often means you actually do get to do what you'd like.

But one of the things that I don't think we get a lot of training on is how to say "no". Or even, how to say "yes". I was an article on Christine Kane's blog this morning about how to say no. She references the idea that if you know what you want, you can then make decisions that will get you closer to that point. But first, you need to make yourself a priority. Holy crap! That's crazy talk! That's what I first thought when I read it.

Over the last year, I've had to think a lot about what my priorities are and how to align my energy and resources to meet them. It's actually been pretty hard. It's been hard to consider what I would like to do/be if there weren't any limitations. And then to consider what those limitations are and how I'm probably the one doing the limiting? Whew! Exhausting work.

I've found it does get easier. It's easier to make decisions when you know what you want. It's easier to ask for what you need if you actually know what you need. It's healthier to say yes to opportunities and offers when you can see how they will fit into the grand scheme of your life. But it has been pretty tiring work. And I'm not even close to being done.

I will never give up my Midwestern roots. I will go out of my way to hold the door for someone or to randomly smile to a stranger on the street. I have been the girl who buys Starbucks for the person behind. I offer to iron clothing because it's a chore I don't mind and it's a helpful thing to do. None of those things will change. I am, however, being more aware of when I need to say "no". I listen to that little voice inside my head that says, "Are you sure this what you want?". Sadly, sometimes that little voice gets silenced because there are bigger issues at hand. But I believe it's a process and I think it's one in which I've made some serious progress.