hi there!

So yesterday was the big day. I defended for my master's degree and at the end of the 85 minutes, i was handed a blue slip of paper that said "pass". Very exciting, I will tell you.

Working on that process really took me out of the loop in terms of blogging or even general communication. I hope that the next five weeks will bring somewhat of a lessening in the stress and work category. Except, of course, that I'm starting to stress about not having a job. My GA ends on May 8. I've applied for a job here on campus and one in Des Moines but other than that, I'll need to have some pretty stellar nights at the ol' LU if I'm going to have to survive on bartending alone. It's incredible how the stress of yesterday rolled right into a new set of stresses today.

But I'm aware this is something I don't have any control over. I can't apply for jobs that don't exist and when they do come open, I need to put together a package that sells me well.

*sigh*

or win the lottery

Saying "no"...saying "yes"...saying exactly what you mean

I'm a Midwesterner. This is who I am. It's who I want to be. One of the characteristics of a Midwesterner is that we are unfailingly polite. Even when we don't want to be. Think of the quality of service personnel in the Midwest versus the east or west coast. OK...maybe they are exceptionally well trained in politeness but for us, it comes naturally. We really do want to be polite and be kind. Especially as women, we get this message of "be nice" and "don't make a fuss". And in general, I think those are pretty good message. It never hurts to be nice. And not making fuss often means you actually do get to do what you'd like.

But one of the things that I don't think we get a lot of training on is how to say "no". Or even, how to say "yes". I was an article on Christine Kane's blog this morning about how to say no. She references the idea that if you know what you want, you can then make decisions that will get you closer to that point. But first, you need to make yourself a priority. Holy crap! That's crazy talk! That's what I first thought when I read it.

Over the last year, I've had to think a lot about what my priorities are and how to align my energy and resources to meet them. It's actually been pretty hard. It's been hard to consider what I would like to do/be if there weren't any limitations. And then to consider what those limitations are and how I'm probably the one doing the limiting? Whew! Exhausting work.

I've found it does get easier. It's easier to make decisions when you know what you want. It's easier to ask for what you need if you actually know what you need. It's healthier to say yes to opportunities and offers when you can see how they will fit into the grand scheme of your life. But it has been pretty tiring work. And I'm not even close to being done.

I will never give up my Midwestern roots. I will go out of my way to hold the door for someone or to randomly smile to a stranger on the street. I have been the girl who buys Starbucks for the person behind. I offer to iron clothing because it's a chore I don't mind and it's a helpful thing to do. None of those things will change. I am, however, being more aware of when I need to say "no". I listen to that little voice inside my head that says, "Are you sure this what you want?". Sadly, sometimes that little voice gets silenced because there are bigger issues at hand. But I believe it's a process and I think it's one in which I've made some serious progress.

Great line from class last week

I have a class this semester in leadership and learning. We examine the connection between the two and how we, as supervisors/leaders/advisers, can facilitate resiliency and leadership among those we interact with.

We've been talking a lot about conflict lately, since it's an integral part of any sort of team environment. And I will be the first to say that I'm not a fan of conflict. Of course, most folks don't actually enjoy conflict, but after reflection and reading, I see that I connect conflict to emotional responses. I'm fine mediating conflict between others but when it comes to my own, i would much rather avoid or squash it than have those difficult conversations. Something my professor said last week has really been resonating with me.

"Having your say does not mean getting your way"

For the last few years I have seen a remarkable increase in people thinking this way. Mostly students who are accustomed to "helicopter parent" phenomenon where all of their needs and wants are taken care of just my mentioning it to mom and dad. But I am also seeing this more and more in new professionals. People who think that just because they have said what they want or feel like they are right, they should get what they want. There seems to be a HUGE lack in compromise, sacrifice and willingness to take personal responsibility. It's incredibly frustrating to me, as a person who craves independence and places a pretty high value on competence.

Are we doing anyone justice by continuing to reward this behavior? The flipside would say that in order for people to feel valued and connected, we need to communicate with them in the way that they will respond to. My approach and that approach seem to be the extremes. There has to be a developmental approach in the middle that would cultivate personal responsibility but also acknowledge the approach of the newbies.

Hmm...

In light of taking the GRE's last week...

In light of taking the GRE's last week, here are some of the grammar issues that are just plain ol' wrong.

Irregardless: THIS IS NOT A WORD. To get all etymological about it, let's take the leap to break this down. If you add the prefix "ir-" to a work, you are implying the opposite of the root. Irregardless is not the opposite of regardless. Some folks who use the ugly word, as irregardless should be known as, often are coming from the mistaken perspective that "gardless" is the root of the word and therefor "regardless" needs to be negated. WRONG! The "re" isn't a prefix. It's part of the darn word!! It's not like irresponsible, where the addition of "ir" negates the "responsible". This is my #1 pet peeve. Nails on chalkboard for me. And I try to find a polite way to let folks know if they are using made up words, especially if I'm in an advising/supervising role. That being said, I can read a flow chart. I had a supervisor recently who used this word regularly. And she wasn't a person I was particularly well connected to. So I just had to keep my mouth shut. But seriously...nails on a chalkboard.

Acrossed: Why is the past tense of this word used? I need to own that I didn't become aware that I was incorrectly using this word until my first year of college when a dear friend of mine, John Maslowski, would regularly correct me. And I'm told when I get really chatty and on a tired (yes...it happens), I will occasionally drop it in. So this is a word that more dings around than actually feels like paper cuts to my eyeballs.

edit: Here is how "acrossed" may be used in a sentence. "Did you see they opened a new restaurant acrossed the street?" or "I think that girl is making eyes at you from acrossed the room."

Other classic words like "ain't" don't really bother me because I don't hear them often. Perhaps this is due to educational privilege. But unless I'm at Wilson's Tap in Boone (shout out to the STBN crew), I ain't hearing ain't real often. :)

If this post comes across as being as me bring a grammar snob, so be it. I'm not an educational snob, I'm not a gastronomical snob, I'm not an adult beverage snob (go PBR!) so I will own this snobbery. I throw out props to my Granny for making sure I know how to sound educated and professional. I may not iron my clothes as much as she would like but I will always be conscious of how my language affects the perception that I cultivate.